4 Ways Your Relationships Can Harm Your Mental Health
Why Relationships Matter: Part 1
Mental health is a very serious part of your wellbeing. I am so grateful that cultural attitudes have shifted over the last several decades to more widely recognize this as fact! All mental health issues should be respected and treated in the healthiest way possible.
Relationships matter because they are important to our psychological well being! Today, I want to discuss 4 different ways that relationships can potentially hurt your mental health. I have personally experienced each of them in romantic connections, friendships, the workplace, and with family. I can attest to how difficult they are to overcome! The first step is awareness - understanding the signs of each one and recognizing which relationships may be causing them. Let’s start there!
Part 2 of Why Relationships Matter: "8 Ways Relationships Affect Your Physical Health"
1 - Burnout
We’ve all experienced it to some degree - the exhaustion and lack of motivation that comes with being burnt out. You are easily distracted, physically ill, and your performance is slipping. You feel desperate for a vacation and unsure how much longer you can keep pushing yourself before you shut down. Many of us are aware that we can become burned out from the demands at work, but have you ever considered how your relationships may be contributing?
All of these symptoms of burnout can be experienced in the context of a relationship. A parent-child relationship is a great example! A mother may feel her ability to keep up with her kids is decreasing, her usually creative ideas just aren’t coming these days, and her headaches grow steadily worse. A father may notice he is more distracted when trying to spend time with his child and may find he is less inclined to play and more likely to escape reality by watching his favorite show.
How to identify if a relationship is causing you to burn out:
You avoid the person
You are more irritable with them than normal
You feel physically ill when interacting with them
You complain or vent about them to others
2 - Low Self-Esteem
Low-self esteem can be recognized by negative thoughts about yourself and frequently comparing yourself to others. You may feel unwilling to try new things or unable to make decisions. Refusing to acknowledge your strengths or accept compliments is also a sign, as is apologizing too often for things that are not your fault.
This can sometimes be caused by an unhealthy relationship with a boss or co-worker. For example, I once worked with a girl who would passive-aggressively put me down during our shifts together and talked badly about me to others when I wasn’t there. After a few months, I found myself believing the things she was saying. When we worked together, I tried to stay out of her way rather than stepping up, resulting in less commission and lower pay for me.
How to identify if a relationship is lowering your self-esteem:
You find yourself withdrawing from the person
You feel extra self-aware and self-conscious around them
You prefer to let them make decisions and take charge
You put their happiness or comfort before your own, often to your own detriment
3 - Loneliness
If you find yourself more attached to your possessions and spending an unhealthy amount of time on social media, you may be suffering from loneliness. You may also experience poor sleeping habits, exhaustion, and weight gain - all signs that you are lonely.
Most people think of loneliness as a lack of connections and interaction with others. Interestingly, you can also feel lonely within the context of a close relationship. I have experienced this in several of my friendships, usually without realizing what was happening.
How to identify if you are lonely in a relationship:
You don’t feel uplifted or energized after interacting with the person
When they express negative emotions, you try too hard to make them feel better
You feel a disconnect between the two of you
You frequently struggle with miscommunication
You feel the relationship is one-sided, meaning you put in more effort into making their life better but they don’t do so for you
4 - Stress
There are many signs of stress, some of which are similar to the symptoms of loneliness. Stress can cause poor health, exhaustion, muscle pain, and difficulty sleeping. You may find yourself struggling with a shorter fuse and losing your temper more often than normal. Many people self-medicate through social media, gaming, binge-watching TV shows, alcohol, etc.
Romantic relationships can sometimes cause us a large amount of stress. I once dated someone who stressed me out so much that I experienced most of the symptoms above and below! The crazy part - I didn’t even realize he was the one stressing me out until after we had broken up!
How to identify if a relationship is stressing you out:
You distract yourself when around them, usually by looking at your phone
You avoid them
You feel tired after being with them
You find that you don’t want to introduce them to others
Your temper is short with them and you snap at them often
What is the Solution?
There is a simple way to address these issues, but it is not always easy! The ideal way to avoid relationships that harm your mental health is prevention. The key is to focus on building and maintaining healthy relationships before they reach the point where you are stressed, lonely, burnt out, or feeling bad about yourself.
Unfortunately, prevention is not always possible. Like I mentioned above, I have been in relationships that harmed my mental health without my knowledge. Hindsight is 20/20! The good news is that there are resources out there that can help. You don’t have to fix the relationship alone!
Working with a professional relationship coach, like me, can help with preventing AND fixing relationships issues that may be impacting your mental health. This is a great option for you if you are in the early stages of the symptoms I discussed above! A coach can be there for you to discuss and understand the issues, set goals, and help work toward them to improve the relationship.
For those who don’t think coaching is needed at this time, I have many more resources coming that could benefit any of your relationships. I will soon be releasing a line of digital self-help products that you can download and use at any time. I also have a very special FREE online event coming up - stay tuned for next week’s announcement for details!
Read these posts to learn more about who I am and how I can help you!
What surprised you most about how relationships can affect mental health? Let me know in the comments!
I spend a lot of time pondering and praying over what I share with you. I hope to produce content that can help! Don't forget to subscribe and follow me on social media so you don't miss out! As always, if I can do anything to help, let me know in the message box below!
With love,
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