Developing a Healthy Relationship Mindset
Your “mindset” is the set of established beliefs and attitudes you have developed throughout your life. It impacts how you perceive the world, the emotions you feel, and the decisions you make every day. Your mindset is the most powerful tool you wield in strengthening and protecting your relationships!
6 Reasons Why Your Relationship Mindset Matters:
1. You use your mindset to predict the world around you. This means it affects how you think the people around you will react to you. The natural tendency to predict how others will act influences your relationships because you behave toward others based on how you think they will react to your behavior!
2. Mindset guru, Dr. Carol Dweck, coined the terms “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.” A fixed mindset is characterized by the belief that your abilities, knowledge, and qualities are unchangeable. A growth mindset, on the other hand, means you believe you can develop any ability and attain any achievement through hard work and practice. This pattern of thinking is crucial for a healthy relationship - you need to believe that people can change! When your relationship is challenged, see the issue as an opportunity to learn and grow together!
3. Part of having a growth mindset involves following the MODEL (see below). Developed by Brooke Castillo, this concept teaches that controlling your thoughts enables you to influence the outcomes of our life. Believe that you have this power - the ability to develop and shape your own mindset!
Circumstance -> Thoughts -> Feelings -> Actions -> Outcome
4. A negative mindset is a trap. As a human being, you have a natural tendency to reject any information or thought that contradicts what you already believe. This means that a negative mindset is supported by more negative thoughts, creating a cycle of negativity! But there is good news! You can break this cycle by training your own brain. I will summarize how to do this in the next section.
5. It is important to acknowledge that PRETENDING to have a healthy relationship mindset does you no good. First of all, most people can see right through the facade. They may appreciate that you treat them nicely, but they can usually tell that there is something off deep down. Second, pretending to be alright with someone when you are not is EXHAUSTING! Over time, this approach can do serious damage to your mental, physical, and spiritual health.
6.Your mindset toward yourself has a strong impact on your relationships! When you love yourself, you are more likely to be loved in return. When you are positive, uplifting, and confident, the people around you are more likely to mirror those qualities!
Conducting a “Mindset Reset”
The very first step in strengthening ANY relationship is checking in with yourself, assessing your thoughts, and making necessary changes. It all starts with YOU! I call this process a “mindset reset,” as it requires undoing the damage done by negative thoughts and training your brain to generate and accept more positive thoughts. There are 3 basic steps in this process:
Step 1: Self-Awareness
Recognize, accept, and process your thoughts in a healthy way. This will take diligent, mindful practice! First, work on acknowledging each thought that enters your mind rather than suppressing or dismissing it. Second, categorize the thought as either positive or negative. Third, become aware of the feelings that proceed each thought. Notice that every emotion you experience stems from your thoughts! Finally, learn to label and name your emotions. This gives you a chance to recognize and identify them. Take care not to categorize any feelings as good or bad - emotions are more complex than that!
Step 2: Challenge Your Thoughts
Now that you are more aware of your thoughts and the emotions they cause, focus on the thoughts that lead to less desirable outcomes. These are the thoughts that lead to uncomfortable emotions that drive questionable decisions. When you have one of these thoughts, take time to analyze it. This is when you get to challenge yourself! What flaws can you find in the thought? How might the thought be untrue? Assume that all of your thoughts are false until supported by further evidence!
Step 3: Think Positive Thoughts
Now comes the fun part! Once you have found the flaws in your unhealthy thought, rethink it! Use the potential lies you identified in the thought to rewrite it. Make it more accurate, positive, and healthier!
The more you conduct the process of a “mindset reset,” the easier it will become! Over time, you will find yourself questioning and rewriting your thoughts unconsciously. This means your brain is learning!
I understand that the idea of a “mindset reset” can seem vague and overwhelming! It certainly did to me, at first. I will be the first to admit that it is a tricky process and takes some hard work. First, I want you to know that your happiness is worth the work it will take! Second, I am here to help. This is a process I go through with my coaching clients - if you want to try it with my help, let me know! Message me below or email me at sierralynncoaching@gmail.com.
To further aid you in your “mindset reset,” I have developed a self-help worksheet that walks you through the process! Check it out! I have found the most successful way to train my brain is to write it all down. I hope this resource helps!
PS: Consider using the worksheet to evaluate the thoughts you have about yourself! I am not exaggerating when I say this exercise can be life-changing!
How have you seen your mindset impact your relationships with others or yourself? Let me know in the comments!
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Happy brain training!
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